ZOMBIES vs. ALIENS!

So it’s been on my brain for a few days now just eating away at that area that makes the comparisons. Hour after hour, minute after minute my mind has been spinning trying to figure it out. What would be worse, being invaded by aliens or having a zombie apocalypse? You’re probably thinking what kind of idiotic question is that? Is this moron serious? I know it sounds farfetched or maybe even plain ol’ dumb, but bare with me here. Let’s analyze the facts here.

Let’s start with the classic alien invasion.                                                

  1. First off regardless of what year it was or what year it would be, they always seem to have the upper edge on us with they’re superior technology. If they’re not telepathic they have some wicked weapons or superior intellect to hunt us down and destroy us. Or just take us prisoner for future uses.
  2. Those future uses always seem to be using our mulched bodies to fertilize things with or ripping out our brains as an alternative energy source. And let’s not forget about them growing they’re young inside of us only to have it burst out in a gruesome manner killing you to death!
  3. Anal probe… Enough said!
  4. The only upside really is the fact aliens never seem to think things through thoroughly. In the end we always kill them with most rudimentary methods. You know like the common cold. I guess there’s no Tylenol in outer space!

Ok so now that we covered those pesky extra terrestrials let’s talk about those persistent flesh eaters.

  1. They just want to brutally attack you and eat your warm flesh. What’s the big deal? Oh yeah I’d rather not be eaten alive or be horrifically ripped to shreds.
  2. Along with being persistent (they literally never give up) they are noisy and obnoxious. They moan and groan twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. It’s terrifying and extremely annoying all in one package.
  3. They have terrible hygiene!
  4. The key here is to stock up on supplies, fortify your dwelling and be stealth. If you follow those steps you have a extremely high probability of living a long life during the apocalypse. As long as you play it smart your biggest worry is watching out for other survivors out to get your stuff.

At the end of the day I personally would rather deal with hordes of the undead then fend off advanced aliens. But on the same note I’d appreciate it if the zombies and aliens kept themselves safely tucked away within the confines of my ps3. But what the hell do I know anyways.

Jason Burum

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